It was the kind of song that you love to hear, but you don’t remember the name or who sings it.  I was staring at my glass of pinot noir wishing that it were something stronger, humming along when a familiar voice came from my left. “You know you really shouldn’t sit at the bar alone, it leaves you open to conversation with the crazies.”

Mack.

I stood up, dropped enough cash to cover my bill and tip, and grabbed my jacket.  “And you’re the craziest of them all.” I could barely contain my contempt.  I threw my bag over my shoulder and strode out of the restaurant.

I was trying to hail a cab when Mack rushed up to me.  “I see my charm doesn’t work on you anymore Lee.”  He was giving me the same smirk I’d seen him use on weaker women.  Instead of enticing me, it infuriated me.

“It’s Lena you fuck.” I spat. “And I can’t believe you would even think to try that bullshit on me.”  I felt the heat rising to my face, a result of one too many glasses of wine.  I didn’t want him to think that he got to me.  I turned my back to him and frantically thrust my hand back out to try to hail a cab.  In my haste to leave I didn’t realize that it was pouring outside.  I’d never catch a cab in Midtown during rush hour. I decided to walk.

I made 3 steps and there was Mack, walking on the outside of me.  Always the gentleman. “Lee, it’s raining. You’re tipsy. Let me take you home.”

“Fuck off, Mack.”  I kept walking.

“Marlena.”  His firm tone stopped me.  “You are inebriated. My car is right here. You will let me make sure that you get home safely.”   I saw the black TownCar that silently pulled up.  Mack opened the door and I slid in. “Where am I taking you?”

I wouldn’t make eye contact. “Waverly and Christopher”, I said to the back of the driver’s head.

“Lee” his voice was softer this time. “It doesn’t have to be like this.  We could be friends, you know.”

“Lena. We can’t be friends Mack.  It doesn’t work that way.”   I could feel a lump rising in my throat, but I was determined not to lose my composure.  I pulled out my phone and was checking work emails, but I could feel Mack watching me out of the corner of his eye.  I willed him not to say another word.

Thirty blocks felt like an eternity.  I barely let the car come to a stop before I was mumbling my thanks and stepping out on to the sidewalk and hurrying to the building.

“Lee.” I kept walking.

“Lee.” Over and over he called after me.  I was almost to the elevator.  If I could just get there, I could breathe easily again.

“Marlena.” There he was, standing next to me again, as the doors to the elevator closed behind him. Fuck. “You were never this rude before.”  I looked straight ahead. I couldn’t allow myself to engage with this man who acted like he knew me so well.

Fourth floor.  The door opened and I stepped off.  I knew that he would follow me, knew that I had lead him to my front door, but I still hadn’t come up with the words to get rid of him.  I started looking for my keys.  “Marlena look at me.” I hesitated.  “Seriously, look at me.”  I turned slowly and faced him.  As tall and broad as I remembered, but a few new gray hairs, more lines around his mouth, and a definite sadness to his eyes.   In his left hand was my phone.  I felt like a fool.

“I’m sorry,” I mumbled.  As I took the phone out of his hand, I couldn’t help but notice the wedding band that he wore.  I softened.  “Would you like to come in?”

“Just to use the bathroom. Sam is waiting for me downstairs” his words now as clipped as mine were.

I unlocked the door and turned the lights on.  “Straight to the back, second door on your left.”  I put my things on the barstool, went into the kitchen and poured myself another glass of wine.  I was trying to talk myself through the exchange that was sure to come.

I was a successful consultant, respected industry wide.  I got paid well for travelling all over the world, being no-nonsense, and telling people what to do.  I was just as comfortable talking to the teenager that I mentored as the heads of state that asked for my advice.  So why did the uninvited man in my bathroom make me so uneasy?

“Looks good Lee.”  I nearly jumped out of my skin.  Mack was now right behind me.

“Uh, thanks.”  I started walking him to the door.  “Thanks for the ride, and bringing my phone back.  I’d be lost without it.”

“Oh I know,” Mack said.  It was almost an accusation.  “But it was my pleasure.”

I went to open the door, but he put a hand up and closed it.  His other hand was in my damp hair.  “You look good Lee.”  He was alternating between rubbing my scalp and pulling my hair.  I needed to stop him.

“Mack…” He cut me off.

“Lock the door.”  I could feel his urgency.  I locked the door and turned to face him.  His reward was a kiss so soft I stopped thinking.  I tried to kiss back but he was already pulling away, busying himself with undressing me.  He unzipped my skirt while I pulled my blouse over my head.  I felt myself slipping into a familiar role.

Stripped of all but my underwear and shoes, he stood back to look at me.  I instinctively closed my eyes, but was surprised when he said, “look at me Lee.”  I hesitantly met his gaze, and watched him get on his knees to slide my panties off.  He gruffly spread my legs apart and probed me with his fingers, using one then two fingers to explore how wet he had made me, how wet I had been since I first heard his voice at the bar.

He hooked my leg on his shoulder spread my lips apart, exposing my clitoris for just a second before covering it with his warm, thick tongue.  I leaned back against the door to try to keep my balance; I could already feel my face flushing and the orgasm building.  Lifting my hips to meet his mouth I was at the edge of losing control.  Mack stopped.  He put my leg down, and looked up at me expectantly.

There was no more thinking.  No more words. I caught my breath and lead him to the bed.  He kissed me again. I caught his urgency.  I was yanking at his tie, unbuttoning his shirt, pulling at his belt buckle.  He tried to assist me, kicking his loafers off, but I pushed his hands away, wanting to undress him on my own terms.

A pile of Italian silks and wools at the foot of my bed, and the fading daylight was streaming through my half closed drapes.  Mack’s chocolate brown skin was almost glowing with anticipation, but only his hard penis gave him away.  I fought the urge to fall to my knees as I stepped out of my heels.  I needed him inside me. Now.

He extended his hand to me, but I pushed him by his shoulders onto the bed.  He pulled me on top of him, unhooking my bra and replacing the fabric with his hands and mouth.  I positioned myself over him, trying to prolong the inevitable, but I couldn’t fight it.  I eased down on the throbbing penis, and my gasp was audible.  Mack put his hands on my hips, keeping my rhythm steady.  He lifted himself to meet me as I came down, plunging deeper inside me. I was fighting a losing battle.  I called out to him. “Mack…”

“No Lena.”

“Please.”

“Not yet.”  He sat up and I wrapped my legs around him.  He thrust deeper into me and it was all I could do to hold on to him as he kissed me.  I was riding him harder, faster, and my moans were getting louder.  He pulled my hair again, exposing my neck to him.  He bit me hard and I cried out.

“Breathe, Lena.”  I started shaking my head. I couldn’t take it anymore. The warmth started from my face, went up to my scalp, coursed down my arms to the tips of my fingers and down my legs to the soles of my feet.  Mack must have felt the change in me, knew he couldn’t contain me any longer.  He kissed me to keep me from saying anything.

I pulled away from him.  “Say it.” I commanded.

“Lena, fuck, you feel so…” he trailed off. I knew what was happening.

“Say it!”

“Come for me Lena!”

It was what I needed to hear. Our rhythms were now syncopated, I was moving in double time and he was trying to keep up.  My moans came from so deep they scared me.  I exploded and Mack was bucking, chasing after his own release. I felt his trembles as he let go, so hot inside of me.  We slowed down to a stop, our breathing steadied and I slid next to him on the bed.

The softness of the comforter coupled with Mack tracing my skin with his fingertips brought me back to reality.  He was humming the song I heard at the restaurant earlier.

“That song is so familiar, what is it?” I asked.

“You seriously don’t remember?” He sounded surprised.  “ It was playing the first time we met.” He stopped kissing my shoulder and started softly singing the lyrics.

I think that I’m a little bit, a little bit, a little bit in love with you

I stood up.

“You have to go.” I grabbed the robe hanging on my closet door and tied it tight to me.

“What? What happened?”  His confusion was obvious, but he was standing and grabbing his clothes, dressing hurriedly.

“Mack, we shouldn’t have done this.  If you stay any longer…” I trailed off.

“Oh.”  His disappointment was obvious.  “Just fuck me and toss me out. I guess it’s too much for you to admit that you enjoyed seeing me.”  He stormed past me.

“Mack, don’t be like this.” I was walking behind him. “It’s just-“

“It’s nothing Lee. You’re making that very clear.”  I heard the hurt in his voice.  He opened the door and walked out.

“Mack.” I called after him, but he didn’t look back. Not even when he got on the elevator.

I stood in the hallway for a long time.  Then with almost business-like resolve, I went back inside to change my sheets, take a shower and wash my hair.  When I settled down for the evening and checked my cellphone again, I had 2 text messages from Mack.

************************************************************************

“So you run into Mack after almost two years, fuck him, then kick him out.  I can’t believe you Lena. What did the texts say?”

It was a crisp Saturday and I was having brunch with my friend Marie, reliving the tale.

“The first one,” I took a sip of my mimosa, “the first one said ‘It was so much more than nothing.’”

“And the second one?” It sounded that she was bracing herself for the worst.

I could feel a familiar lump in my throat. “Hands down, I’m too proud for love, but with eyes shut, it’s you I’m thinking of.”

“What? What does that mean?”

“It’s… it’s from the song that was playing the first time we met.”  I drained my glass, trying to swallow the feelings that had been rising since I’d seen Mack.

“Damn, Lee, so are you going to call him back?”

I was staring out the window.  “I’m not sure.  I don’t really know how to talk to my ex-husband anymore.”